Monday

Waking up I knew...it was going to be one of the mornings that I caught an extra 45 minutes of sleep on the couch. I didn't sleep much or well the night before and it was going to take that extra few minutes (and several cups of coffee of course!) to get me through the day. Thankfully, traffic was decent, work went smoother than usual, and I was in the car at 5 pm. That so rarely happens that I actually smiled while I locked the office door!  A phone call home to let the boyz know that I was on the way and I discovered that they wanted to go to White Deer Park to walk. I hesitated because yesterday I went alone and walked just shy of 5 miles. I wasn't sure I could handle two days in a row after so many months of minimal physical activity. I asked if they were sure that is what they wanted to do and heard a unanimous "yes!" from the peanut gallery. I made it home by 5:20, changed, and back in the car on the way by 5:30. We started the trail by 5:45 and all I can say is it turned into one of those evenings where I didn't have to remind myself every few moments that it is not ok to eat your young when you are of the human race. They had me laughing from the beginning. We saw a woman we had seen last week who they call "poufy." Then, AJ had to exclaim loudly, "Isn't there a 'no nudity' rule here?"  This occurred when a formerly large man ran by without a shirt on. I have to admit, a shirt would have helped cause I was worried some of the swinging skin might do bodily damage to passing people. We saw some beauties of nature along the way. (I do NOT mean people!) I found an opportunity to talk to my boyz without telephones, computers, or tv's running in the background.  What a blessing these walks have been.

As usual...my writing is sporadic and rarely gets completed the same day. It's Thursday now, the end to my work week (at my paying job that is!) and the boyz and I just got home from a RUN. No, that isn't a typo... We actually ran two miles.  The trail we take is 2.2 miles around.  There is another mile that you can add on if you go through the woods.  I half walk, half run when I'm by myself.  I have been walking the last week when the boyz are with me.  Due to them knowing that my health has been an issue lately, they are the ones encouraging the daily walks.  Today, they decided we had walked enough.  About half a mile into the trails, Nic says, "Let's run from here to the wooded trail where the extra mile starts."  I look at AJ who exclaims, "Let's DO IT!"  We all put our headphones in, give thumbs up, and we are off.  Now, I had told them "low and slow" to start out.  I'm proud to say all three of us did a solid mile before stopping.  We took it down to a brisk walk while high fiving each other!  I'm beyond proud of those boyz!  Not only for encouraging me but for doing it WITH me.  We walked probably a quarter mile, then ran another mile, then walked a quarter, then ran the end of it.  Total for the day is 3.2 miles!  I'm sore, still drying out the sweat, but feel AHH-MAZING!  They talked all the way home about tomorrow, attempting to run more.  Did I mention how damn proud I am of them yet?! :p


Some other things...have been brewing lately.  I'm still torn on how I feel about stuff but I have finally seen some of it for what it is.  A blessing.  After months upon months of struggling with how to financially continue in my current job, an opportunity fell in my lap.  I'm NOT leaving my current job.  While I absolutely love what I do, I am beyond done with the drama that comes with it.  I just remembered how best to proceed.  A conversation last night stuck in my head all day today and honestly, it's what has me in the current mood I carry.  Over two years ago, I inked "it is what it is" on my forearm.  I put a lot of thought into where I was going to put it.  I knew what I was putting, just not where.  I chose my forearm to be a constant reminder.  I finish the quote (if you view it that way...I do, it's my blog, bite me if you don't like it....) in multiple different ways in my head.  It just depends on the day and the moment.  Today, I've finished it (in my head of course) with "and only I have the power to control how I react."  That reminder has been missing lately.  It isn't that I didn't "see" it staring at me from my arm....it's that I chose to let emotion and reaction control me.  In that aspect, I can only blame myself.  I got through today with the thought "it is what it is" and "one day at a time" running through me.  Hmmm, another tat?  I'm definitely over due for another one!!  I back track, as usual, but suffice it to say... With the opportunity that has arisen, I have a chance to bust my ass this summer, make a difference in my finances, and it is up to ME to remember that I have to take care of myself.  Physically (by running/walking, checking my blood sugar more often, and paying attention to what I'm eating)  Emotionally (by remembering that only I have the power to control MY reaction to any given situation, and that a person can only deal with one day at a time...even super Mom)  Mentally (by remembering to do things for ME...I foresee a trip or two to my favorite place this summer.......)  When I'm running, it's what I see in my mind.  What I dream I'm running towards.  While I run, I dream of the sounds of the waves, washing in, taking my worries and fears, and rolling back out into a depths that I cannot fathom.  Letting those worries and fears wash into an abyss...No longer needed by me.  Taken on by something more powerful than myself.  By something that will exist long after me.  By something that is never ending, as it storms in, and quietly rolls back. 

Dinner is done...and boyz are staggering in looking for food.  It's time to close for now.  I'd like to say I'm going to make more effort to post again.  Truth is, who knows if I'll have the time, let alone the words.  Writing has always been my release.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.  I can only take "one day at a time" and this day is almost over.  I'm ending it with a feeling of peace.  Something I've been missing for a few weeks.  It feels pretty damn good if I do say so myself.  And I do...cause it's my blog and all :D


I leave you with a quote...as always.  Though this time, it's from a song I love.  The Fray, All At Once     "...all at once the crowd begins to sing, sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same..."