I just blogged Friday... but felt like doing it again (I will blog when I want and you WILL like it! lol) It has been such a week. There aren't enough pages to convey it all. The emotions, the stress, the exhaustion, the mental strain of trying to be all, do all, and take care of all. It becomes overwhelming sometimes. There is something that has been on my mind for many, many days now and it is time to put it to the universe (meaning y'all) I've had quite a few weeks of "reflection." Maybe it has to do with the change of seasons, maybe due to the changes in my life, the new person within, the people who helped me get to today, who knows? It has been 2 1/2 years since I stepped out "on my own" and the difference between then and now is truly spectacular The changes are extraordinary. It is me becoming ME. I think the day we stop changing, we might as well give up. You must be like the tree and bend with the wind. I've heard it worded so many different ways, but I'm gonna give you my theory. (It's why you're reading this isn't it?) A tree starts as a seed. It begins to grow and needs lots of support, love, care, food for the roots, and the soul. (soil, catch my parallel here?) Sometimes you have to add outside support to ensure it grows upwards, always reaching for the stars, instead of bent and misshapen. As it grows bigger and stronger, begins to flower and show it's magnificent colors and beauty, it also begins to reach further down. Into the soul, the soil, and find it's source of enrichment. The storms come, the powerful winds that push the limbs to maximum breaking point. A strong tree will withstand these storms, these winds. You know why? Because the roots are buried in the soul, the soil. Strong, unbreakable, holding up the tree from within. Enabling the limbs to bow and sway, even reach down to touch the ground. Sometimes they don't want to reach upwards again. They are broken, shattered even, into pieces that cannot be replaced. Then, from within, and from without, they are given the encouragement they need to reach again. To begin anew. To form new limbs. Not to replace the old ones. They are not replaceable. They are merely a new beginning. Maybe this doesn't make sense to all, but as a "visual" person, there is an image etched in my mind. I have been bent, misshapen, broken, and shattered even. Yet I still reach. I begin again. There are many times I don't want to. I want to be 3 again, stomp my foot, and say, "I don't wanna! I'm not gonna and you can't make me!" As Allison once said to me, "You can't see the rainbow through the tears in your eyes." I'm making my own rainbow.
Have you ever stopped and counted on your fingers how many people you could count on to tell your secrets to? Lately, I have. I don't have that many fingers, or toes for that matter. In my reflections, I realized that 3 years ago, there were two people in my life that I could trust, and I chose not to tell them everything. I did not have a single person to whom I could truly tell what my life was like. How can I ever express what that was like? I don't think I can ever fully explain the solitude of that existence. Nor would I ever care to be there again. My circle is wide, and ever expanding. This isn't to say that I don't have moments where I feel adrift and alone. Then I realize that there are so many people I could call who would drive, fly, walk, or run to be by my side. Some of them (y'all know who you are!) would come bearing arms! What an awesome feeling. I wish everyone could say the same.
People will come and go...in your life. The footprints will remain forever. I am pretty sure I absolutely decimated that quote, but you know what I mean. Wounds heal, hearts mend, scars fade, memories last forever. You all know my favorite saying, and in case you forgot, refer to right forearm. That always has to be expounded upon. While it's true, "it is what it is," it is also what you want it to be. Only you can accept it or change it.
~trish
No comments:
Post a Comment